Tired and sore

I strained a muscle in my shoulder and have been hurting for 2 days now. I never realized how important this muscle was in holding up my head till it started having stabbing pains in it anytime I move. I can't even lay down and rest without it hurting and no amount of pain medication has helped to even ease it a little bit. I had to go pay bills yesterday and by the time I got to town I wanted to cry from the pain and my entire back was going to pins and needles. Just ready to not feel pain right now. I should be in bed but was tired of sitting all by myself for so long.

On Thursday, I was planning on going to Star Trek: Next Generation's The Best of Both Worlds Movie Event that was a collaboration of the last episode of the third season and the first episode of the fourth season which is where the Borg come and capture Captain Jean-Luc Picard and assimilate him into the Borg!!! I really Really wanted to go. The problem was that it was a one time showing on just that day, at just 7pm, and at a theater that was 47 mins from work and 2 hours from my house. Also it would last over 2 hours, making me arrive home at around 11:30 to midnight. I get up to go to work at 4:30 and drive an hour and a half to get there. I knew deep down that I couldn't do that. I get really sleepy and have almost fallen asleep at the wheel if I drive while exhausted. So I texted my boss if one of the other part time ladies could come in and clean my buildings since I had something to do. Plus she hasn't gotten to work as much as she would like since the boss sends her home on Fridays and lets me work instead. I texted at lunch time. No answer. I texted again about an hour and a half later. Again no answer. I was getting really pissed. I talked to some of the other workers and they told me that he was ignoring his phone and wouldn't answer anyone at all. So he had probably turned it off. What a dick! So one of the ladies called the other pt worker up and checked if she would go ahead and work my shift, which she was happy to do. So then, yay! I was going to get to go! I knew I wouldn't get in trouble since the boss doesn't care who is working as long as the work gets done. So I arrange with the hot guy I am crushing on to let me use his shower after work. He is the only friend I have in that city and going home was not an option for a quick shower. Everything seems to be working out. But! But I have this nagging feeling in my gut like I shouldn't go to the movies. I go and cash my check, pick up a coffee since I was feeling more and more tired, and text hottie to see where he is at. He is out of town but on his way home to meet me. He had something to do this weekend and wouldn't be able to go to the movies with me, even though he did express a wish to go. Well, after almost an hour of running around town on errands and waiting for him to get there, he messages me that he is stuck in traffic. Ugh! That sucked major balls! I wanted to see him. I missed him since we haven't met up in over a month. By then, I was hot, sticky, tired, and had the beginnings of this terrible pain, but all over my body since I strained my back and neck at work that day. :P I decided that it just wasn't in the cards for me to go. I offered to stick around town till he got there but he kinda stopped texting at that point so I just when home aggravated. The next day when I woke up after tossing and turning in pain all night long I was very glad that I took off of work and didn't go to the show. And a vain part of me was also glad that the hot guy hadn't seen me all nasty and in pain. Just isn't the same when he is sexy and you just feel gross. Plus, I have the court hearing on Monday for the divorce and I so want to be done with that and officially single so I can really try to start something with him. I don't want to rush anything, but I do plan on being a bad girl with him. So no guilty feelings would be good, hehe.

Is it real this time?!?

My lawyer has e-mailed me today stating that she has finally heard back from the Judge and received my ex's signed copy of the divorce decree. I have to appear before court on Monday! Everything should go well and I hope to be in and out in a hurry! Then I will be celebrating!! Oh I can't wait to hear the words. To know that it is all over and I can go on with my life. The sexy man that I am talking to should be pleased to know that it is over too. hehehe.

I have been getting back into doing my makeup the way I like it. Payday is tomorrow. Hope I get a good check. :P I need a haircut!! Hope I will have enough to go get it done soon. I dont trust my mom or myself to properly cut or dye it so to a salon I will go. I am tired of fucked up hair. I need it back to the way I like it.

My folks have been wearing me thin. I can't handle all the negative input I get from them. They want me to live with them and go to school without having a job. WTF! I understand wanting me to do this and suggesting it once but every time I try to talk about the future they harp in with this crap. I barely survived living with them the first time and am only managing it now because I spend most of my time at work or in the room on the computer. I love my parents but they always try to control my every move. My sister and cousins didn't like that I moved here when ex abandoned me and monster man but I truly didn't have any other option. Now I feel stuck. I want a good paying job so I can have my own place but even mentioning moving or rent houses or jobs in other towns and my folks get this really nasty look on their faces and have absolutely nothing good to say. Just negative bullshit and guilt trips. I just need to be around some friends who I can truly discuss things with and not feel like they are just feeding me a line so they can get what they want out of me. So sick of people's shit. So sick and tired of people trying to control me. Of coarse I am with the people who raised me to be a fool who listened to what I was told and to never question and to put my faith in people who were only going to harm me. I did it and ended up almost killed. I have come a long ways from then and just hate being in this house again. I can stand to visit but to live here is like being in that prison again. I must remember who I am and how strong I really am. I wont be that person anymore. I will get out of this place again!

Odd weekends

So every odd weekend of the month, my son gets to go with his daddy. That is if he decides to have him. So far, half the time he has one excuse or another for missing his weekend. Today the ex and his girlfriend took monster man to the zoo. As ex was loading monster into the car he warned me not to come out of the house since his girlfriend was sitting in the car. I was like,"I don't freaking care. I know you are together and it doesn't bother me!" They posted pics of all of them having fun and being together and what happens a bunch of people message me freaking out! They had their hearts in the right place I know but when is every one going listen to me when I say that, yes they hurt me but I got over it because I am better off without either one of them. And yes, we are still "married" but we are legally separated and will never be together again. I am just waiting for the lawyer to tell me we are officially divorced so I can move on with my life. I don't love him or want to be her friend anymore. They are the kind of people that poison everyone else around them that aren't just as twisted as them. I am glad to be free of them. My only care is that they treat my son right and that the ex will finally be a good father. I have moved on with my life and my heart is healed from what was done. Next chapter please! People need to get with it!

A little about me.

I am 27. A single mom to one crazy cute little boy. I want to be a model when I grow up :P. I am about to be officially divorced, and can't wait for that to happen! I am going to have a fucking party when it finally does. It a long and unpleasant story. I like many different things but identify myself as a gothic girl who loves horror movies. I live with my family for now till I can afford to get my own place. I love to eat healthy, although I do tend to slip up frequently. I am trying to get into a workout regiment but am a bit of a procrastinator. Yoga is my choice of workout and it makes me feel better when I get off my butt and do it. Attempting to be the person I am proud of and wanting to make my mark on the world is hard but I am going to muster up the courage because I am strong enough to do it.

I just went to a workshop my cousins were hosting. They were selling these health food supplements. They both have been using them for over four years now, plus they are both fitness trainers where they live and they look fantastic. I am thinking of not only using the program for the health benefits, which were really good products, but also to sell them. I would love to be able to do it full time so I could go to school full time and have lots of free time to spend with my son. See the plan is to find a good paying job, find a place to live, start going to cosmetology school, and be a great single mom. Its a lot on my plate since I also want to start up my modeling career on the side. Ideally, if I could get this program set up and start selling the products, I could possibly make enough to use that as an income rather than having a full time job at the prison or where I am at now, which is killing me and sucks ass. I have a small rash on my face, hands, and on one arm from a reaction to some of the chemicals I work with. Can't really model when I keep braking out with rashes. I just need something that will fit into my life better. I don't want to have to sacrifice my time with my son or my goals in life just to survive in this world. AHH! It makes me so frustrated, I wont give up on myself so I just need to have a good paying job so I can go to school!!!

New Blog

I hate my job. Don't get me wrong, I love having a job, just hate the one I have. It sucks cleaning up other people shit. I am a janitor for a college cleaning dorms. Hope I get fit with all this work, haha, and I better have a nice ass when I am done from going up and down stairs so much.

I am starting to get back to healthy eating again. So glad. I was feeling like crap and have gained at least 2-3lbs over the last month! Ugh. Stupid fast food. So yummy but so fattening. I need to remember to do my exercises every morning. Hope to look good soon so I can do another photo shoot. Plus, there is this guy I am really into that I am dieing to see again. Mmmm...hehe. Definitely want to look sexy for him.

So I have decided that I am tired of feeling sorry for myself with all the crappy stuff going on in my life, keep reminding myself that there is always going to be crappy stuff you just have to wade through it and keep your head up. Posting a new blog seems like a good idea right now. To collect my thoughts and ramblings. To be the place I can go to when I need to talk since I have become short of true friends these days. And foremost to be a prod to get off my ass and do something I like with my life. Here I am again, waiting and ready for the new adventure my life will take. This time around I will be in control and steer my life to greater horizons.