blah blah blah

whatever on the title haha. too tired to think much less figure out what to type. been working hard. and have a good little chunk of overtime for all my effort. cant wait for payday!! woot! then i can fix my car and pay bills, :P yuck. i'm thinking of moving to a different city than planned since i cant go to the school i originally planed to go to. it sucks but maybe its for the best. now i just need to contact some family for help on info for the area and to figure out moving. and get a job. right now i need rest and not walk on my now swollen foot. too many hours standing on it and driving with it has caused it to hurt really badly. i hope nothing to bad is wrong with it but i dont have the time off to go to the doctor. and still havent seen handsome yet. *sigh* maybe i can go visit my cousin instead. okay that's enough for now. i am tired.

Patience is a virtue but seem to have lost mine

Oh god, I am sick with allergies and have the beginning of a cold. Just love my job and it must love me too! So much that it stuffs my head up with dirt and dust and makes my body ache. I need a new job. I am still waiting to hear back from the job I really want, a nice office job. At work they told us that starting Monday I am working full time and come June we all will have extended hours and only two days off the whole month. Fucking lovely. Did I say that I hate my job yet? I feel like stomping around the house saying in a whiny voice that I don't want to go to work. I know I am being a big baby about it but I don't feel good.

Well, as far as the sexy guy I have been lusting after goes, he and I have made multiple plans to see each other and fulfill our fantasies for each other, but every time he has something come up. The first and second time was him helping out a friend which took all day, but I like how good of a friend he is. Then it was his homework and school projects, which are very important since he is getting close to graduating and starting his business. But...but it seems like he has lost some interest in me and hasn't been as talkative as he was. Very disappointing. I was hoping to have something special with him since I really like him and his personality. The funny thing is that when I realized that he may have been into me, I had been so hurt by all my past relationships and experiences that I just expected him to sleep with me and that it would be done. I wouldn't have minded either since I wasn't planning on trying to be in a relationship with anyone for a long time. I just wanted to have a passionate affair and make business friends with him. No mess or hassle, just straight up sex on the side of a business relationship. I know that that makes me sound cheap or whatever but I had just gotten out of a five year marriage and didn't want to give my heart away so quickly before I get what I want out of life, which is a career that I love and a good stable life for my son. We all have needs and one of mine happens to be a sex life. Haha, that is a joke now though. Its been over six months. The problem is that here I am expecting him to just take what he wants from me, meanwhile I was going to take what I wanted too, and that he would either A. act like it never happened or B. be a jerk and never contact me again, which would have been very unfortunate since he is a business contact and I do like to work with him. So what does he do? He doesn't do the deed. We went past some of the bases alright but not the complete act. So I am left unfulfilled and given a promise that we will have that fun when the legality of my marital status is cleared. We meet up a second time and the same happens again. We begin texting on a nightly basis and he then tells me that he misses me. It twists my heart into little circles. He sends me kisses and we talk dirty to each other. And then I did what I told myself I wouldn't do for a long time. I let my heart warm. It began to feel hope and...dare I say a great fondness for him. I thought about him often and wished to see his sweet handsome face again. I desired to be with him and hold him close again. The first and second missed meetups were before the divorce was final and I figured that that had a lot to do with him canceling on me. He had stated more than once that he wouldn't be able to have very good self control around me seeing as he desired me so and that he wanted to make sure that I was a free woman when we finally get to be alone. Am I just being too impatient? I think so. I read my cards the other day and they stated that I am to be patient and not give up before the end results happen. I also read my horoscope, which is usually wrong since I am cusp born, and it too told me to quit being impatient and that to rush things would be the death of them. I don't want to come off as desperate since I didn't even plan for this to happen. I was just hoping he liked me enough to give it to me, hahaha. I am use to that, but the way he put things and was so intent on doing it the right way, just made me believe that he feels deeper things about me too. I don't want to fuck this up. Gods help me! I am just going to leave him alone for a few days since I am going to be bogged down at work and will be too tired to get on the internet anyways. I hope that he misses me enough to want me again and gives me a message that lets me know that he still desires me at least.  Even if he changes his mind about how close to me he wants to get, I would still like for him to be my friend. Lord knows I don't have anyone else to be a friend right now.