Well it has been a LONG time since i last posted. Decided to post since I've been so depressed and stressed lately and I have no one to talk to.
First off, in june I started dating this guy K and he rocked my world. Loved everything about him and thought was the bee's knees. lol. Then a month later we got engaged. He is so wonderful and different from anyone I had ever met so of course I said yes. He cooks, has life goals I like and support, has awesome taste in food, clothes, and especially music. He has shown me many new avenues of the goth and punk music.
In August I started working at VC salon, it sucked but it was a start and got me into a place with K. Unfortuantly, I couldnt afford daycare 24/7 for my baby since I work 8 hr days for 4 days and 11 hr days at school for 3 days a week. I figured it would just be till Oct when I graduate.
Then I got sick. My thyroid and lympnods in my throat swoll up and were very painful. I was exhibiting signs of diabetes and a thyroid disease. Took some time off of school to go to the doc, they did a blood test and oh I'm fine just need to eat more. :P yeah right. They admitted there is something wrong with me but dont care enough to do anything about it because they wont get paid for it.
Because of this and some other problems, I changed jobs twice since then, first a cook at a nursing home and now at a beauty counter. The nursing home was hell. I'd rather die than live like that. And the beauty counter pays well just my boss has unrealistic expectations of the staff. Not a bad job.
Shortly after I took leave in Sept. from school I was in a car wreak. Some stupid kid totaled my car. He, thankfully, took responsibility and I'm still dealing with the insurance on that. Got money from them for my poor car but it wasn't much and had to buy some old car for 1600. She runs alright.
Finally got back into school mid November and now I'll graduate in mid February. I was worried that I would forget too much but got in and am doing even better now. Just ready to get out and apply at this awesome salon. I am so worried that I wont get it I keep stressing out everytime I think about it. Feel like I'm a loser and cant hack it.
It's christmas eve tomorrow. My son is sick with the flu and at his dad's. It sucks cause I miss him so much. I am a shit mom. I cant do anything right. I fail at life. I miss my baby.
I was excited because tomorrow I am going to meet K's family. We are going there and this is the first time I will meet his family. But he has been acting distant and saying weird stuff. Almost like he is planning on breaking it off. He is constantly making plans and forgetting to talk to me. Christmas day we had planned on coming back from his family's to exchange gifts and be with each other. But earlier he informed me that he is going to his dads that night. oh and he will drop me off before he heads over there. so now i will be alone Christmas night. that's right, stupid me. i forgot, nobody needs a worthless piece of shit. i am so fucking ugly, stupid, pile of crap. who would want to be with that anyways. it doesn't matter how much i try. life will always be fucked for me.
got to love the holidays. just fucking lovely.
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